Friday, March 4, 2011

Strange Company

Molly the matchmaker really wants to see Nathan and Precious get together, so one day after dinner she urges Nathan to invite Precious over. It doesn't take much convincing, but he still doesn't seem too thrilled about it.

After about half an hour, the doorbell rings, and I catch Precious being WAY too excited to hang out with Nathan and Molly.

Molly welcomes Precious into their house and stands in front of the door chatting with her for about 15 minutes while Nathan chills in the living room and reads a book. It seems he couldn't care less about entertaining his romantic interest. Finally Nathan figures he should at least spend some time with her since she came all this way. He calls her into the living room, where they sit and chat chastely as if they were stuck in the 1800s.

Gotta dig those boots though.

Suddenly they stand up and start dancing, even though there is no music playing. I paused the game to take a picture and noticed that Nathan had a creepy expression befitting the scene of two people awkwardly gyrating in silence.

Despite the terribly uncomfortable beginning their "date" had (if you could call it a date), after this they wound up kissing, making out, and spending the night together. I guess the beard and wild caveman hair give Nathan a sort of animal allure? Danger is sexy, right?

Nothing says sexy quite like "I might kill you, bury you in my backyard and wear your scalp as a wig."

The next day, Nathan got up, ate leftover mac n cheese for breakfast, and got to work in his inventing shed. He ignored Precious until she got hungry and went home.

Meanwhile, Molly is making brave new advances in the name of medical science! She has this new treatment, but she can't get anyone to test it for her. Being a hardcore doctor, she decides to try it out on herself.

Only the most hardcore medical professionals attempt this. Dr. Heiter didn't have the cojones to try his human centipede idea on himself first.

Maybe if you weren't asking folks to swallow a red and blue Matrix pill the size of a goose egg, lady. Nonetheless, Molly takes a deep breath and crams it in her mouth like a champ.

(That's what he said.)

Then she makes the most godawful face. I just had to screencap it.

Chodo II: Tokyo Chodo. (That one's for Sienna.)

Then some shady underground pharmaceutical company sends her a check for $101 and she passes out on the floor.

And apparently Precious has not left the house, like I thought. Nathan comes in from many hours of inventing and is shocked to find her dancing in the entryway, stinking up the place with her unshowered post-sex stench.

Thankfully she left soon after.

The doorbell rings unexpectedly, and I see this French-lookin', beret-wearin' motherlover standing on their porch.

Molly answered the door and he just started talking to her. He didn't say who he was or why he was there, but Molly, being the kind and gracious host that she is, was all, "Uhh, would you... like to come inside...?"

He did, and then started arguing with her. It was very one-sided, since he just yelled at her while she shrugged and gave him a look that said, "What on earth are you talking about?"

Then he helped himself to their couch and TV. Molly sat in the living room and tried to make conversation with him, but he wasn't paying attention at all; he just zoned out on the boob tube. Eventually she got fed up and politely, but firmly asked him to leave. "Thanks!" he said. "I had fun, we should do this again sometime."

Nathan returned to his shed and found that the invention he'd been working on was somehow almost finished even though it was only half done when he left it. Then I noticed something odd.

I don't think I've mentioned the fact that Nathan built a mechanical gnome. Because, you know, the regular Magical Mr. Gnomes weren't creepy enough. He wanted a gnome with glowing yellow eyes and razor-sharp jagged beard shards jutting out at all angles. But apparently the mechanical gnome is helping him with his inventions, so he can't be all bad. Unless he modified the invention to make it go on a murderous rampage. I guess we'll find out!

Another day passes uneventfully and there is another unexpected visitor. Nathan answers the door this time.

Her name is Holly Greenwood, and she is a green thumb and all eco-aware or whatever. A hippie in a tweed blazer. She and Nathan chitchat about the environment and recycling for a bit. Nathan is not the generous host that Molly is however, and pretty soon he goes back inside without so much as a "see ya later." Holly wanders off down the street. Man, sims are weird.