Thursday, August 19, 2010

Agent Double-Oh-Crazy

Okay! Here goes! I am going to play The Sims and write a post at the SAME TIME. No more of this playing and taking lots of screenshots and then forgetting what ANY of them are about so I have to make up crap or just post nonsensical pictures. For real guys! I am cracking my knuckles and DOING THIS.

I'm a little afraid Addie is going senile on us. This morning she started to make waffles and then stopped halfway through, put the waffles on the floor and called a sim I've never even heard of. Just to chat. 

Yeah, that's a big baking dish with four waffles in it. I have no idea why sims make waffles like this. It would never work. You'd end up with pancakes basically, because NEWSFLASH, when you pour waffle batter into something it does not automatically form into a waffle shape. And it's not like you can hand-mold waffles yourself. They're not silly putty. Whoever at Maxis decided sims would make waffles in a big pan in the oven has clearly never made waffles. Maybe they've never cooked anything before ever. Maybe they've never even eaten waffles. Maybe they've never eaten anything, and the nutrient deficiencies are affecting their decision-making skills. In any case, it's stupid. I don't know why the sims couldn't just magically pull a magical waffle iron out of their magical pockets of holding. Have you ever noticed how sims just pull every old thing out of their pockets, even if they have no pockets? They just sort of reach into the empty space behind them and pull out an apple or a fish or their homework or a car. They fit CARS in their pockets. So there's no reason why they couldn't have a waffle iron in there and make waffles on the stove like a normal person.

I took this picture because I was informed that it would be Eddie's birthday soon, and I wanted a picture of the three of them as teenagers. They had all just arrived home from school, and it was a rare moment where they could all be in frame and facing the camera. These boys mostly don't interact with each other at all. It might be because they all have such different personalities, or it might just be because they're teenage boys and eeewwww, brothers. So annoying, right?

Then Nathan started doing this:

He started making very strange faces at Eddie's back, and Eddie looked very uncomfortable about it. It's like he could just sense his brother back there being weird and creepy, but he didn't want to turn around and encourage him. Oh, Nathan. These simlives would be so much less interesting without you.

Times have changed. Addie once trained Eddie, but now Eddie is training his mother. Is it because if he wasn't there keeping an eye on her, she would forget what she was doing, stop running, and be flung by the treadmill through the window? By the way, if you're wondering what those strange translucent blobs by Addie's face are, it's sweat. Gigantic sweat droplets fly off her face at a disgusting speed.

Even though sims speak a made-up, amalgamated language called Simlish, sometimes I hear snippets that sound kind of like actual phrases in English. For instance, while Eddie was training Addie, I heard what sounded like "You've been a little jibbly lately" and "Run those shoes, fatass!" Which is not only not very nice, but also sounds less like Simlish and more like Engrish.

Fourteen hours later, Addie finds the pan of waffles on the floor and finishes cooking it.

The next morning, everyone is peacefully in bed. Except, of course, for Nathan. It is 4:35 a.m., and Nathan decides to put on his swim trunks and dance in the kitchen to classical music.

Unfortunately I didn't realize I had it set to not record audio, so you can't hear the peaceful classical piano Nathan was jammin' to. His dancing mostly consisted of awkward snakelike swaying motions. He's probably going to join a cult someday. Or start one.

He danced like that for over three hours until it was time to go to school. No breakfast. No finishing his homework. Just dancing.

Later, at school, he was offered a job at Doo Peas Corporate Towers. I don't know if "Doo Peas" is supposed to be a pun or a parody or what. Maybe it's just a weird name that made the developers giggle so they kept it. Anyway, I had Nathan accept the job. His lifetime goal is to be the Emperor of Evil, so what better place to start than corporate America?

Nathan arrives at Doo Peas. At first I thought he was a bit overdressed, but then I remembered he's Insane. He regularly sleeps in a tuxedo.

Meanwhile, it's Friday afternoon, so Shaun hits up the local pool to scope hot babes.

Doesn't this picture look like it's straight out of an 80s comedy?

The pool is sadly babeless, so he has a breath-holding contest with a chubby old lady and plays splash-tag with a little redheaded girl. Shaun is so nice. He gets along with everyone.

Nathan is done with his first day of work and makes this face immediately after exiting the building:

I realized the job offer was only for one day, not a regular job. Judging from the look on Nathan's face, that's probably a good thing. I can't tell if he's traumatized from something horrible that happened to him at Doo Peas, or if he's plotting to take over the company already. He kinda looks like Sean Connery in this picture.

Now that I've spotted a resemblance between Nathan and James Bond, I can't stop drawing parallels.

Is he simply stargazing, or is he spying on JEWEL THIEVES?


Given Nathan's insanity, he might actually try to install a radio transmitter inside his tooth at any moment, but I suspect that would less resemble cool high-end spy technology and more resemble Nathan trying to shove a clock radio inside his mouth. It would end in blood, tears and chipped teeth.


  1. I listened to Butthole Surfers while Nathan danced and pretended he was dancing to "Pepper". Yay, PEPPER

  2. Oh, Nathan; I think I'm in love. Fits of giggles, here. Fits.