Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Why Teleportation Devices Are a Bad Idea, Besides What We Learned From "The Fly"

Okay, here's the deal. I made a couple of new sims in an attempt to create the new star of Simcentric, but none of them could hold my interest. They just weren't appealing enough.

I also had a few ideas to save the Newbys, but none of them worked. I decided to remake the three boys just by recreating their appearances in Create-A-Sim and by selecting the exact same traits. Since Eddie was an adult, I could have had him take care of his younger brothers (since teenagers can't live alone) and made up some story about how Addie and Toby mysteriously disappeared during their trip to France (trapped in a tomb, perhaps?). After I spent about two hours painstakingly recreating Eddie's face, style, and personality, using screenshots for reference, I decided to save Eddie to the bin to make it easier to edit him in the future if necessary. Well, the game got stuck on the save screen. I let it sit for fifteen minutes, but it went nowhere. I swear, EA knows they made an addictive game and people will play it no matter how many problems it has. You are a cruel mistress, EA.

The story:

Nathan grew into a young adult and gained the Evil trait. Blame it on living in the shadow of his handsome, athletic genius older brother. He began experimenting with machines and eventually created a teleporter. When testing it on himself for the first time, something went horribly wrong. He was teleported to an unknown location and, perhaps, another dimension (cue spooky Twilight Zone music) where none of his family or old acquaintances existed.

Nathan was knocked unconscious by the accident. He awoke in a grassy field in the middle of nowhere, looking unsettlingly like Adolf Hitler.

He immediately began talking to himself. He yelled and screamed at himself for being such an idiot.

When he was done berating himself, he started walking along the nearby road until he came to a street with houses on it. Outside one of the houses, two young women were talking. He introduced himself and asked where he was. The girls explained that he was in the town of Riverview. Then he tried explaining what had happened to him.

"And that's how I ended up in Riverview! Say, do you know where I could purchase a flux capacitor or a warp core?"

The reaction to his crazy story was not entirely positive.

Brought to you in stunning Nathan-Vision!

So he wandered off. That girl had an insanely high and squeaky voice, anyway. Even if she could have transported him back to Sunset Valley, I don't think he could have withstood listening to her explain how.

Nathan was terribly hungry -- transdimensional travel stirs up a wicked appetite. So he walked into the nearest house to raid their fridge. When I clicked on the fridge, I had the option to have Nathan "Have Quick Meal Fiendishly." Already, having an evil sim is hilarious.

I was pretty excited to see how a sim would eat some ice cream in a fiendish fashion, but he just ate it normally.

I was expecting at least evil eyebrows, or something.

The mother of the house came into the kitchen and frowned at Nathan, warning that he was behaving inappropriately and if he continued to do so she would have to ask him to leave. Wow, people in Riverview are so welcoming. If a total stranger resembling Hitler waltzed into my house and started eating my ice cream, I would call the cops.

Then, of his own volition, Nathan decided to "Read Something Maniacal." He took a book from the shelf, and just then, Squeak-Voiced Girl came into the room while in the living room someone else gave a groan and collapsed with a thud.

Nathan and Squeaky grew very concerned about this and started looking around wildly. I think they thought she was dead or something.

I guess she was just tired, because a few minutes later she got up and walked away. Maybe she's narcoleptic?

Nathan started exploring the house and ran into the narcoleptic woman. They started talking and Nathan discovered she works in the music industry. If you recall, Nathan is a Virtuoso, meaning he loves music and is very good at it. The two actually started to hit it off. Unlike Squeaky, who may or may not be related to her, Narcoleptic Woman has a deep voice that makes her sound like a drag queen.

Meanwhile, Nathan develops the urge to Steal Candy From a Baby in the Wishes panel.

He continues to flirt with the narcoleptic lady, whose real name is Roxie. She's clearly smitten with him. They kiss, then Nathan asks if he can spend the night. She readily agrees, saying, "Make yourself at home!" Nathan grins. That solves the problem of where he can sleep tonight.

 GET OUT OF HERE, SQUEAKY! We're trying to have a moment.

In the living room, Nathan spots a guitar. He picks it up to play, but to his dismay, he finds he can't even play a simple tune. Apparently transdimensional travel can induce specific amnesia. He has forgotten how to play the guitar. Roxie and Squeaky gather in the living room to listen to him play, anyway.

Shortly, two guests arrive. Their names are Yuri and Nadine Ivanov. Nathan puts down the guitar after a while and turns around to see Ivan and Roxie flirting with each other. Despite the fact that he's only using her for a place to stay, Nathan is overcome with jealousy. Nadine is clearly upset as well.

Nathan does not take well to jealousy. He confronts Yuri. Well, first actually he used the toilet. Then he came back and insulted Yuri and Yuri's home.

He also slapped Yuri.

This made Yuri very angry, and for a moment Nathan looked like he might regret his actions.

Not in the face!

But then Nathan suddenly pounced on Yuri and they got into a fight...

... a fight which Nathan actually won.

That'll teach Yuri Ivanov to mess with Nathan Newby's bread and butter!

Now Nathan is exhausted from the fight. He eats a big bowl of mac and cheese and goes to bed. Er, correction -- he goes to "Evil Slumber."

It's been a busy day for Nathan, so I'll let him have his rest for now.


  1. Yey! I always found The Sims boring but you have changed my mind. I now want to play it again...now where is that cd...?

  2. Yay! I'm glad you figured something out. Nathan kicks ass. I think I have a crush on your sim.

  3. I have to admit that this is one of the most unique blogs that I've encountered! Great idea! And such a great game.

    This was a great post. Funny and extremely entertaining. I'll definitely be back! Keep my seat warm for me.

    Oh and try to read this while listening to 99 Luftballons by Nena - it syncs PERFECTLY.


  4. Wow, thanks Garrett! Did you just stumble upon Simcentric, or are you from the Very Serious boards? If you found it randomly, I think you might be the first... Either way, you should definitely start from the beginning and read the first post.

    And Edana, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who crushes on sims. They're just so adorable sometimes.

  5. I'm from the Very Serious boards actually. ;) And I will!

  6. I'm actually pretty impressed with how you handled the deletion. It's truly as all of the creative writing greats have said since Joyce: There is no beginning or end to any story.

    Anyway, I'm now following you on Google Reader so I know the second you update!


    But aww, thanks. :3