Monday, October 25, 2010

Romantic Entanglements and the Return of Roxie

As a detective, Nathan needs to improve his Logic skill, so he heads over to the library. There, he sees the most beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life. He tosses the Logic skillbook over his shoulder and strolls over to introduce himself.

Surprisingly, Nathan doesn't do anything like spout conspiracy theories or show her how he can lick his elbow. They're getting along fine, and he learns that she is employed in politics and ambitious -- perfect qualities for an evil mistress. She's also married. This doesn't really deter Nathan, who has no respect for the sanctity of marriage, but her husband's name is Odin. ODIN. Nathan is going to have to size this guy up before he makes any moves on Heather. That's her name, by the way. Heather Crosby.

Things are going so swimmingly that Nathan spontaneously starts singing a song called "Je T'aime" to Heather. She doesn't take too kindly to it, maybe because it's clearly a romantic song.

Just then, Nathan's phone rings. It's another case! But the guy is yelling too loud for Nathan to understand him; clearly this client is super pissed. They'll have to meet in person. Nathan sets up an appointment for tomorrow.

Nathan Newby is on the case!

Meanwhile, Heather has gone back to reading her book. Nathan is just about to give up on her when he feels a peculiar tingling sensation in his brain, and suddenly it occurs to him: Heather is hungry! Now is the perfect time to offer to buy her dinner!

So maybe Nathan can read minds now.

Heather agrees to go get a bite to eat with Nathan. I question her judgment on this, but whatever. She probably thought he was a crazy retarded guy, and was just trying to be nice.

As she follows him out of the library, he makes this face:

Gosh, Nathan is handsome when he's evil.

I can't tell if he has dastardly things in mind for Heather or if that's just how he shows excitement.

At the restaurant, they eat outside. Nathan has one tiny burrito and Heather enjoys a garden salad. Their conversation is pleasant. 

It is so pleasant that after the meal is over, Nathan is overwhelmed with this stuff called "feelings" and tells Heather how nice she is.

It might have been the weird face he made, or it might have been the fact that she's married and once again he's making romantic gestures toward her. Damn this woman's virtue! Odin must be a hell of a guy. Oh well. Nathan is not discouraged. After all, tons of romantic comedies have started out this way: Weird guy falling in love with a pretty girl who's already involved, but he doggedly pursues (read: stalks and harasses) her until she realizes she truly loves him in return, or until she is beaten into submission. Yes! I think Nathan and Heather can have a happy ending after all.

The next day, Nathan meets with his client, George Dean. George wants him to hack into someone else's computer -- man, what's with all the hacking? Anyway, it's an easy peasy case and I didn't take any screenshots because quite frankly it was boring and uneventful. Though after returning to George to tell him the case was completed, Nathan again performed some tunes on his guitar in George's yard. George was all, "Uh, I'm going to work now, so you should leave," and Nathan was all, "Yeah sure," and then just kept on playing for about two hours.

It's the afternoon and Nathan is hungry, so he goes back to the bistro for some lunch. He's just about to bite into his grilled cheese when a familiar face walks by.

In case you don't recognize her, it's Roxie, the man-voiced woman (possible transsexual?) he seduced for a place to stay when he was first transported to this town. And she wants HUGS.

He chats with her for a few minutes, then abruptly changes his clothes and walks away.

I think his expression sums up his feelings about Roxie more elegantly than written words ever could:

Apparently someone stole his lunch while he was talking to Roxie, because it's not on the table anymore. He goes inside to get a new one, and he stays in there for almost two hours, hoping Roxie will be nowhere in sight once he comes out.

But two hours later, she's STILL THERE.


Nathan then for SOME reason gets the desire to kiss Roxie. It's as if he decided that perhaps if he gives Roxie some attention, she will leave him alone.

He approaches Roxie with a maniacal evil laugh, as if this is the most brilliant and purely evil scheme anyone has ever come up with.

Okay, so he's not always handsome when he's evil.

He plants a big wet one on her lips. There are magical sparkly noises, and then Nathan speaks some madness.

This is much more effective at getting Roxie to go away. She just left angrily. So he pulled out his guitar and started entertaining* the other bistro patrons. But halfway through his first song, his cell phone rang.

He answered it immediately, thinking it might be a client with a new case. And it was! But that's not all. Get this: The client is Odin Crosby, Heather's husband, and he wants to blackmail someone in town. Nathan accepted the hell out of that case. Stay tuned for their meeting tomorrow morning.

*At first I accidentally typed that Nathan started eating the other bistro patrons. Were Nathan a more bloodthirsty sort of evil, I would say that this is equally as likely as him entertaining them. I may have typed "eating" because I am rather hungry right now, and watching Nathan eat that grilled cheese made me really want a grilled cheese, so I think I'll go make one. Life imitates art and whatnot.

1 comment:

  1. I like to imagine Heather's stomach rumbled loud enough for Nathan to hear.

    That said, I don't often say this, but that picture when he answers the phone is sexy! I'd hire that man! <3