Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Rhetoric and Romance

Since we last saw our heroine, she was promoted to the fifth level of the Military career, Flight Officer. The military treated her well, but it was really a rough job. She would often come home too exhausted to do anything but go straight to bed, and it was affecting her social life. She wanted a job with more freedom and creativity, and one where she could test out her people skills. Something less physically demanding and more mentally oriented. The day after calling up her military base at 4 a.m. in her underwear to quit her job as a Flight Officer, she went to City Hall and applied. She was hired immediately. You know, I'd like to quit my job in my underwear at 4 a.m. someday. It seems emotionally satisfying.

A career change of course calls for a wardrobe change. She's so excited that after selecting a new Everyday outfit, she spends hours in front of the mirror practicing her speech. She wants to make a good first impression at City Hall tomorrow. For now she's just a Podium Polisher, but she knows that smooth talking and a bright smile can get you far in politics.

Addie is feeling optimistic about her new job, and she wants to celebrate by going out with a friend. She tries to call Allison, the policewoman she befriended after she came to the rescue while Addie's old house was being burglarized, but the number is no longer current. She's reluctant to call Tanner, since she and he have drifted apart even more in recent months. Flipping through her little black book, she's dismayed to find that she has fewer actual friends than she thought. Being a Workaholic sim will do that to your social life. There's one more person she can call, whom she hasn't seen in quite some time.

Derik Schmitz readily agrees to meet her at the park. He seems happy to hear from her! This is promising. They soon fall back into their old flirtatious habits, and before long Addie is leaning close to whisper saucy things in his ear.

The afternoon turns to dusk, but Addie is having a very good time with Derik and doesn't want to leave his company yet, so she invites him back to her place. Finally! She's able to invite someone back to her place! Excitement!

"Well, this is my place," says Addie as they step in the door. Derik is suddenly overwhelmed by an inexplicable fear of dinner plates. Maybe he's thinking of that scene in Beetlejuice when everyone's attacked by the shrimp at dinner, to the tune of Day-o (The Banana Boat Song) by Harry Belafonte.

You never know, that silver dome thingy could hide the deadly black tarantula.*

They sat on the couch to watch a movie, but they didn't even get as far as turning the TV on before Addie pounced on Derik like a sabertoothed tiger in heat. She hasn't been laid since she was like, 17, so I don't really blame her. I think I can see tongue in this picture, which is kinda gross.

Derek eschews the traditional method of putting a hand up a girl's skirt, and cuts to the chase by clipping his hand pixels directly THROUGH her skirt pixels. He's a forward kind of guy. I like that.

Their heavy duty makeout session is interrupted by the doorbell. Addie isn't a very good cook, since she's never had time to learn and used to sustain herself with her mothers' leftovers. Once, Addie opened the fridge looking for a snack and found "Grapes Pancakes." I've never seen this food item in The Sims before. Apple pancakes, yes, because that is a normal thing people might eat. Not Grapes Pancakes, complete with odd grammar choices. So anyway, Addie ordered pizza, and here it is. She might be mad about her smooches being cut short if she wasn't about to collapse from hunger.

Made with Love Pepperoni #9, in the hopes that he'll show her his Love Pepperoni #9, if you know what I mean.

After dinner, Derik helps himself to Addie's stereo and begins exercising. He has the Athletic trait, but isn't this pushing it a little? Maybe he's feeling bad about packing on about eight pounds of pizza. Judging from that butt, I'd say he has nothing to worry about.

Addie has a better idea: she moves next to Derik and starts dancing with him. It is coincidence that I paused to take the photo just as he was doing some sort of swoopy vampire dance move complete with icy stare.

"Mind if I swoop?"

If you have never played The Sims, there is no explaining the awful hilarity of their dancing. They go from awkward seventh-grade shifting of weight from foot to foot, to a strange sort of grinding on each other's thighs, to performing feats of flexibility that come with a high risk of spinal injury. They dance in exactly the same way no matter what kind of music is playing, so it's fun to put on hoity-toity classical music and watch them flail around like animals. Half the time they look like they're engaging in some sort of complex display of dominance rather than dancing, darting back and forth, toward and away from each other with very intense expressions.

After dancing briefly, Addie goes to her bedroom in the hopes that Derik will follow. He doesn't. Instead he uses her laptop to play games until the wee hours of the morning. Derik is a computer geek, so it's not surprising that he's in the living room playing computer games while a gorgeous woman lies disappointed in the other room. Finally he creeps under the covers, long after Addie has fallen asleep. They spend the night chastely on opposite sides of the bed. Addie wakes at 6 a.m. to get ready for work, and Derik awakens at about 10:00, an hour after she leaves.

Nice PJs, Casanova.

He looks angry, and I wonder why as I watch him climb out of bed. Then he stands up and GROWLS, a very clear "Grrr." Is he angry because Addie left him at her house without saying goodbye? It's hard to say. Maybe he's jealous because she's a successful careerwoman while he's stuck in a dead-end newspaper delivery job. Maybe he was mad at himself, for letting a hot chick go unboned while he played with himself in front of the computer like he does every night at home. (See what I did there?) It will be interesting to see how this scenario plays out.

* The silver dome thingy they use to cover your dinner plate in restaurants is called a cloche, by the way. It's French for "bell." Troy looked it up for me, because I am too busy writing about the fake lives of pixel people to worry about what the silver dome thingy is called.



    the word it told me to input was "mated"