Thursday, May 27, 2010

Toddlers Know How to Party

Addie is very fond of walking around in her underwear, as you may have noticed. So Toby was very upset when, after ordering a pizza and paying the pizza delivery guy, he found the pizza delivery guy outside the house peeping in their windows. PERVERT. He went out there to kick the shit out of the little acne-riddled creep, but he high-tailed it outta there as soon as he saw Toby coming. Toby felt very good about himself after that.

Addie went off to work one day dressed as a chef -- undercover restaurant work? I wasn't aware restaurants were such dens of crime.

That was the last day she worked as a Triple Agent, because she was promoted to International Super Spy that afternoon. When she came home, she was wearing THIS devilish little number:

Toby likes the dress, too.

It must be hard to fight crime in that, but hey, nothing's more important than looking good, right? Or maybe now she does all undercover work, but she only ever goes undercover at super posh soirées where she gets paid exorbitant amounts of money to sip cocktails and eat shrimp. Best. Job. Ever.

With all the money Addie's making in her shiny new dress, they remodeled the house. It now has an upstairs! They're really movin' up, now. What was the bedroom is now the kitchen. What was the kitchen is now Addie's office. There are two bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs, and Eddie's room is half bedroom, half play-area. It's pretty nice.

Eddie grew up to the Toddler stage, after I spent about a week in sim terms wondering why he wasn't growing up, and then realized I had turned aging off and forgot to turn it back on. Oops! Made you guys all immortal for a second there, sorry, I'll just turn it back on so you die like everyone else. There we go.

After I turned aging back on, Eddie grew up quickly and they threw a birthday party for him. A lot of their old friends showed up -- even Tanner Keaton, Addie's old high school boyfriend, and Starla, Toby's daughter (and Eddie's half-sister). It was about as awesome a party as you can expect a baby's party to be. It's time to blow out the candles, and Toby looks very excited while Addie looks like she took a few too many valium:

Hurrah! Addie blows out the candle for Eddie, since his feeble little infant lungs can't conjure up enough wind, and then she places him on the floor. Little swathed baby Eddie sits up, eerily resembling an ancient mummy rising from its sarcophagus. He sparkles and what looks like confetti comes out of him, and then he becomes a toddler and immediately shits himself.

Off to a good start!

Addie and Toby's lives get real boring for a while after this, as they do nothing but work and/or take care of Eddie and never get to do anything interesting -- it's just like having a toddler in real life! But I've documented some of the milestones of Eddie's childhood, so enjoy this photo montage.

Learning to walk. His pajamas have cowboys on them. I wish my pajamas had cowboys on them.

Feeding himself what looks like a clump of dust and hair!

Being read to.

Learning to put square pegs in square holes, important preparation for menial factory work later in life.

Getting put to bed.

Being potty trained.

Making appropriate pooping faces.

Okay, some of these pictures are just for cute factor.

 Eddie discovers that human teeth do not make as nice a musical tone as xylophones do.


Raising a child together has strengthened the bond between Addie and Toby. Toby decides to man up and ask Addie to marry him. She's always been the aloof one in this relationship, but he's counting on Eddie to bring them together. He starts romancing Addie, telling her how beautiful she is, how much she means to him, all that crap. He's about to propose when Eddie throws a tantrum because he's hungry.


After giving the little shit a bottle to nourish him, Toby finds Addie in the kitchen and tries again.

Addie is SO EXCITED, she squeals and becomes The Grudge.
The wedding is next weekend, when Addie doesn't have to work. Until then, Addie gets to do all the fun stuff you think of when you think of extremely bad-ass international super spies. She raids the criminal warehouse and comes out with bucketfuls of incriminating evidence, and she has to stop an evil mastermind from using his doomsday device to obliterate the town. Real exciting, James Bond type stuff.

And now it's Saturday, the big day. They're getting married in the afternoon.

Toby's not nervous at all, actually. He's just nauseated because he was an idiot and ate some goopy carbonara that had been sitting out all night. The wedding day is off to an inauspicious start. Not only does Toby have food poisoning, but Addie starts the stove on fire.

And gets her hand stuck through the bottom of a bowl of pancake batter, apparently.

Their fire alarm automatically summons the fire department, but Toby gets the fire out all on his own just a few minutes before the fire department even shows up. While he's here, Toby decides to ask the firefighter to join them for their wedding party. He happily agrees.

And yes, Toby cut his hair short to surprise Addie on their wedding day. Upstairs, Addie and Toby have locked Eddie inside a box so he won't cause any trouble during the wedding.

Ha ha! Just kidding. He's just playing in there. They'll drag him downstairs and make him sit through the ceremony just like everyone else.

Meanwhile, the guests are arriving, the bride and groom are chatting with everyone, people are mingling and dancing and thinking about potted plants. It's a good time.

Toby and Addie begin to exchange rings, while everyone gathers around and oohs and awws. They're standing in the wrong spot though, so I tell them to knock that shit off and stand in front of the buffet table and the curtains like I planned, dammit. Okay, commence with the rings and the cooing and the rice-throwing.

Addie has gone stupid with joy, judging from the look on her face.




  3. Addie has the absolute best facial expressions.